Today’s Battle with Bipolar
My son has crashed as we call it and I am struggling to understand once again why did he become/have Bipolar Disease?
Today’s battle is that we had to recently more and no longer have any health insurance, my son hasn’t been on medication for years but it is very apparent that he can’t cope any longer without them. He refused to take medication a few years ago insisting that he didn’t feel he should have to change who he was. Now, years later he can’t take the plummeting depressions and has told me he doesn’t want to die, he just wants the pain to go away. That is normally all anyone wants and he wants it so badly.
So, again I am calling numbers to find free health care for my son and keep being told to call another number. Once place we had an appointment with finally told me they had accidently overbooked the councelor and we had to move our appointment for another month. Explaining how badly my son needed medication didn’t seem to matter. This just makes matters worse for us at home. Getting my son to agree to treatment of any kind is hard enough but now he feels completely blown off and that he doesn’t matter to anyone.
I have spent the other night up with my son letting him talk about his racing thoughts and depression, he described it like this, “Imagine the worst day of your life, (For him when his step sister died 2 years ago), now triple that pain and live through it every day of your life! That is how I feel most days.”
That statement stays with me most days, it is a reminder to me of how he is feeling. Dealing with Bipolar for so many years now I freely admit sometimes I forget he is battling daily demons. I go to work, do chores and such and relish his good and upbeat days, ones when he is happiest for him. Then when he crashes like he does I remember, o yea, that shit again!
Love & Peace,
Rebecca
